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3

by Mom

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cyrus
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cyrus i was talking to my friend about my old mp3 player and mentioned it had either sugar pool or bloodeater on it (along with wiggle by black dresses) and he told me "the black dresses (and mom) songs to put on a playlist/mp3 player that are an instant giveaway that there was something up with the playlist/mp3 player owner"
another album that got me through the rough times and damn he was right about that Favorite track: Needle Mountain.
tabby
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tabby Another really important and influential album from Devi McCallion, fun offbeat funky beats and bittersweet lyrics. beautiful always. love everything this woman does, thank you so much for sharing your talent and having fun with us. Favorite track: I Fuck Everything Up.
giroldii
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giroldii Very good sounding, love the diversity of the tracks Favorite track: Bloodeater.
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1.
i know i feel it too i'll go anyplace for you after going all the way down all my life im so happy i get to waste your time it just lifts me up in my hardest time im so grateful i gt to waste your time im so helpless im so sorry im so out and my minds so foggy im so bad at forming my own thoughts im so easy ill do whatever you want i feel so weird im so proud of us i feel the air lifting us after goingall the way down all my life im so happy i get to waste your time it just lifts me up in my hardest time im so grateful for your precious time
2.
Fingers 02:44
when you put your hands on me i can’t act casual i’ll do whatever your attention’s so invaluable i just want to hang out and dangle from your mandible i’ll be your animal its only natural let’s go down to the beach we don’t have to a dream we don’t have to be so far away from each other my fingers are so sharp and i’m going to pull out all the stuff we need let’s go down to the beach we don’t have to a dream i won’t allow myself to be limited i’ll do what i have to with infinite reach i’m gonna get what i need i love being near to you feeling high as possible the way i’m drawn to you’s super biological i want you to look at mei wanna do it all i’ll be your fuck doll if you’ll be my hospital let’s go down to the beach we don’t have to a dream we don’t have to be so far away from each other my fingers are so sharp and i’m going to pull out all the stuff i need let’s go down to the beach we don’t have to a dream i won’t allow myself to be powerless i’ll do what i have to im gonna pull out all the stuff i need
3.
Bloodeater 01:32
i’m going to fucking jump i’m going to fill my lungs i’m going to fucking yell i’m going to have fun way out in the sun and i’m going to love myself well if you want my blood i’ll make so much blood that you’re gonna fucking drown i’ll always roll along i’ve always been strong getting stronger than myself it feels like i’m under water not content to do whatever i hate every little choice I’ve made so I’ve got no choice but to keep moving forwards i hope one day life will be better climb a ladder made of my sweat and blood but the blood eater hungers everything just keeps getting harder
4.
A.T. Field 02:46
as i lay in bed i put my hand out above me and envision every finger crumpling back into the stump i follow the natural progression of this motion down my arm and try to imagine my other limbs withdrawing too i try to feel the energy of my body if there is any i feel it radiating around my torso and i try to pull it in towards a center point a tiny focused dot a fleck of dust hanging in the air a thought interrupts and i almost lose my focus the outside world presses down just a little too hard and my skin almost breaks like a rock-thrown pond i close my eyes i hold my breath i desolidify
5.
Puzzle 01:48
wished id be a bride and ride an eel into the sea my body crumbles inwards as water pressure pushes down on me sea slugs surround me just being so close uncoils my spine i feel so fine if you touch my hand i'll lose my mind im hypnotized
6.
Hell 02:23
i need to catch my breath i need the blood to pump back to my brain i fixed my hair and teeth and makeup and face why do i still feel awful and lame why can't i keep myself under my thumb why can't i ever seem to get anything done why can i lift my body up why is my body always screaming to run but every single day why am i like this please help me get away away from this im a colorless snake my body's taken on a strange shape i need to go back to the egg and regenerate every single day why am i painful to the touch how could i ever repay your kindness when you've only ever shown me too much but every single day why am i still feeling all like this please help me get out and away away from this
7.
really i know you can hide yourself you can look somewhere else for another version of yourself but come in on a sunday wishing for something everything i think of won't be enough everything i do i do it for me it'll be ok it'll be ok you never know you never know when they're going to let you go home from the hospital no worries cos it'll be ok
8.
Dungeon 03:39
all i want to do is prove to you that i can be all right that i can live a real nice life all i want to do is prove to you that i can be alive that i can be alright. i’ve been building a wall for a real long time i’ve been building a wall around my life and it didn’t mean anything at all i’ve got to fix this problem that i’m in i’ve got to stop building a dungeon for myself i deserve a real nice life
9.
Barriers 03:28
some fucking way the wheel keeps spinning its jagged edges digging in what is the fucking creature that controls it what sorta hand is turning it it's dumb how much my stomach's hurting i wonder how much skin they need i already said that i dont surrender it can eat every part of me but there's no reason i should be feeling like i do burn the beach and destroy our bodies they're just the barriers between me and you but we can go on can't escape the teeth that chase me mouth a million miles long it takes the shape of something familiar the shape of something i once loved but it's dumb how much my stomach's hurting i feel my vision going out i'm all panicked pins and needles i'm the dullness in my arm but but there's no reason we should be feeling like we do burn the beach and destroy our bodies they're just the barriers between me and you but we can go on
10.
Sugar Pool 03:28
i’m paralyzed i’m burning up i can’t get enough of all your love a sweet sugar pool that gently drags me in i collapse into sweet dreams and sweet oblivion lean over me please light me up will you braid my hair you’re too much fun lets stay up and drink a beer and watch tv you can do whatever you want when you’re here hanging out with me even if there’s no escape I’m happy and infatuated part of me is taking a brand new shape and my heart is burning, its fucking on fire i’ll do what ever it takes i know it won’t be easy i know it won’t be always ok but still i’m so overwhelmed i can barely move i couldn’t pull away if i wanted to i always get so shy and fucking confused i wouldn’t mind if you told me what you wanted me to do cos you fuck me up i can’t say what i want i couldn’t organize any of my thoughts but it doesn’t matter what i say or do everything will be ok when i’m right there next to you i’m paralyzed i’m burning up i can’t get enough of all your love a sweet sugar pool i’d love to drown in collapse into sweet dreams and sweet oblivion please finger me please mess me up will you braid my hair after we make love its the only thing i really wanna do i feel shielded from everything else when i’m sitting next to you
11.
Warped Tour 01:22
you’re 15000 tiny bugs and you should crawl into my pores dissolve into my blood and not do nothing anymore from the inside you might find what my body is for could you show me? because its the turn of time that grinds the stone down into sand i want to grind you down between my teeth and my hand i want to be your best friend or just eat you whole and keep all your bones trapped inside me ive got no shape and no skeleton its just an illusion i’ve got no hair and no brain and no skin i’m just a mouth and the burning desire to push you in i want to chew and bite and grind i want to do it all the time i can’t get you off my mind your like sugar slime and i love you
12.
Sweatz 00:50
well you know its all the same if you play the game i will be ok if you never know you cannot find an easier way but it's still its still its still i never know where to go from here but i dont know i wont be ok if you go away from here
13.
Cool 03:37
please give me another chance so i can fuck it up again don’t worry about it I’m going out of my head all the stupid things I said don’t worry about it how are you so cool i wanna be cool like you i meant it when i said i don’t deserve to be your friend don’t worry about it you make it easier not to wish and cry and pray to not exist don’t worry about it don’t worry about it
14.
Song 02:27
you can't make a song into a person that's worth living as you can't even make a song into a place to live. you can't make a song into self assurance or self love a song usually pretty much does the opposite you can't make a song into a good enough reason to be loved you can't make a song into a lover or a friend to spend time with you can't make a song into an apology for another song you wrote i'm super scared i'll never move out of my parents home but it's human blood its my human blood its the stupid shit i waste my time on but it's human blood its my human blood it's the stupid shit i wasted my life on
15.
i fuck up everything but just see how long i'll stay mad at everyone else yeah i fuck up everything and i always blame everybody but myself i do whatever setting myself up for failure is just how i tend to have fun yeah im slime and sleaze im really not so hard to please i just want to be loved by everyone my whole body feels like a clenched fist la la la la la la la la la my whole body feels like complete shit la la la la la la la la la but with my perfect judgement everything i do is right so pure hearted in this awful world why do i even try who knows what you think about me, felt so shitty yesterday but why do i even bother when i know i will again today i fuck everything up me i me i me me i me me i me i iim so sick of thinking that things will be ok that my life will be fine someday it's been fucking years that ive been stuck in one place i'll always be here because its me that wrong with me
16.
Sleep 04:49
woke up today and went back to sleep i woke up again around 3 i lay in bed and i watched some tv, tried not to think about anything and tried to eat and i went back to sleep what good am i if i cannot help myself i'll swear that i'll get better i'll fix my body i'll regrow my health hold my hand as i pull my own guts out if you'll be brave for me i'll be brave for you i'll become the strongest shell what good am i if im not stronger than myself if i cant save my own life i'll never fucking help anybody else just hold my hand as i pull my own guts out if you'll be brave for me i'll be brave for you i'll become the strongest shell look at pictures on the computer of being people near to eachother thinking alll kinds of evil thoughts i dont like its like yeah i'm evil and jealous and irrational yeah i just hide i've got nothing going on whatever who cares it doesnt matter i'll do whatever but i can't ever seem to get anything done but who really cares what good am i if i cannot help myself i swear that i'll get better i'll fix my body i'll regrow my health please hold my hand as i pull my own guts out if you'll be brave for me i'll be brave for you i'll become the strongest shell what good am i if im not stronger than myself if i cant save my own life i'll never fucking help anybody else what good am i

about

A bunch of songs I wrote and recorded in my bedroom through the summer and early fall of 2014. Composed in MIDI and on a Roland MC-505.

Thank you to everybody who has shown me love and support! This album took hundreds of hours for me to create, and the only way I can make more stuff like this is if I can get some support. Please consider paying at least a small amount if you can.

See the official music videos here:

Sweatz
www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bAo1IeHPe8

Hell
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zakM6GdsKkg

A.T. Field
www.youtube.com/watch?v=syLWQBS9ua8

credits

released October 26, 2014

Track 10 uses material left on the user drive of a refurbished 90s synth I purchased from a overseas reseller. I don't know the identity of the composer and it would be impossible for me to find out, but I hope I did justice to their beautiful work.

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Devi McCallion Toronto, Ontario

black.squares.media at gmail

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