3

by Mom

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1.
2.
02:44
3.
01:32
4.
02:46
5.
01:48
6.
02:23
7.
8.
03:39
9.
03:28
10.
03:28
11.
01:22
12.
00:50
13.
03:37
14.
02:27
15.
16.
04:49

about

A bunch of songs I wrote and recorded in my bedroom through the summer and early fall of 2014. Composed in MIDI and on a Roland MC-505.

Thank you to everybody who has shown me love and support! This album took hundreds of hours for me to create, and the only way I can make more stuff like this is if I can get some support. Please consider paying at least a small amount if you can.

momtheband.tumblr.com

See the official music videos here:

Sweatz
youtu.be/7bAo1IeHPe8

Hell
youtu.be/zakM6GdsKkg

A.T. Field
youtu.be/syLWQBS9ua8

credits

released October 26, 2014

Track 10 uses material left on the user drive of a refurbished 90s synth I purchased from a overseas reseller. I don't know the identity of the composer and it would be impossible for me to find out, but I hope I did justice to their beautiful work.

tags

license

all rights reserved

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feeds for this album, this artist

about

blacksquares Toronto, Ontario

devi
25 / she

black.squares.media (at) gmail.com

i made all these albums by myself under a bunch of different names

contact / help

Contact blacksquares

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Track Name: Needle Mountain
i know
i feel it too
i'll go anyplace for you after
going all the way down
all my life
im so happy i get to waste your time
it just lifts me up
in my hardest time
im so grateful i gt to waste your time

im so helpless
im so sorry
im so out and my minds so foggy
im so bad at forming my own thoughts

im so easy
ill do whatever you want

i feel so weird
im so proud of us
i feel the air lifting us after
goingall the way down
all my life
im so happy i get to waste your time
it just lifts me up
in my hardest time
im so grateful for your precious time
Track Name: Fingers
when you put your hands on me i can’t act casual
i’ll do whatever your attention’s so invaluable
i just want to hang out and dangle from your mandible
i’ll be your animal
its only natural

let’s go down to the beach
we don’t have to a dream
we don’t have to be so far away from each other
my fingers are so sharp and
i’m going to pull out all the stuff we need

let’s go down to the beach
we don’t have to a dream
i won’t allow myself to be limited
i’ll do what i have to
with infinite reach
i’m gonna get what i need

i love being near to you feeling high as possible
the way i’m drawn to you’s super biological
i want you to look at mei wanna do it all
i’ll be your fuck doll if you’ll be my hospital

let’s go down to the beach
we don’t have to a dream
we don’t have to be so far away from each other
my fingers are so sharp and
i’m going to pull out all the stuff i need
let’s go down to the beach
we don’t have to a dream
i won’t allow myself to be powerless
i’ll do what i have to
im gonna pull out
all the stuff i need
Track Name: Bloodeater
i’m going to fucking jump
i’m going to fill my lungs
i’m going to fucking yell
i’m going to have fun
way out in the sun and
i’m going to love myself
well if you want my blood
i’ll make so much blood
that you’re gonna fucking drown
i’ll always roll along
i’ve always been strong
getting stronger than myself

it feels like i’m under water
not content to do whatever
i hate every little choice I’ve made so
I’ve got no choice but to keep moving forwards
i hope one day life will be better
climb a ladder made of my sweat and
blood but the blood eater hungers
everything just keeps getting harder
Track Name: A.T. Field
as i lay in bed
i put my hand out above me
and envision every finger crumpling back into the stump
i follow the natural progression of this motion down my arm
and try to imagine my other limbs withdrawing too
i try to feel the energy of my body if there is any
i feel it radiating around my torso and i try to pull it in towards a center point
a tiny focused dot
a fleck of dust
hanging in the air
a thought interrupts
and i almost lose my focus
the outside world presses down just a little too hard
and my skin almost breaks
like a rock-thrown pond
i close my eyes
i hold my breath
i desolidify
Track Name: Puzzle
wished id be a bride and ride an eel into the sea
my body crumbles inwards as water pressure pushes down on me
sea slugs surround me

just being so close uncoils my spine
i feel so fine
if you touch my hand i'll lose my mind
im hypnotized
Track Name: Hell
i need to catch my breath
i need the blood to pump back to my brain
i fixed my hair and teeth and makeup and face
why do i still feel awful and lame

why can't i keep myself under my thumb
why can't i ever seem to get anything done
why can i lift my body up
why is my body always screaming to run

but every single day
why am i like this
please help me get away
away from this

im a colorless snake
my body's taken on a strange shape
i need to go back to the egg
and regenerate

every single day
why am i painful to the touch
how could i ever repay your kindness
when you've only ever shown me too much
but every single day
why am i still feeling all like this
please help me get out and away
away from this
Track Name: Macaroni & Beer
really i know you can hide yourself
you can look somewhere else for another version of yourself but

come in on a sunday wishing for something
everything i think of won't be enough
everything i do i do it for me it'll be ok
it'll be ok

you never know
you never know when they're going to let you go home from the hospital

no worries cos it'll be ok
Track Name: Dungeon
all i want to do is prove to you that i can be all right
that i can live a real nice life

all i want to do is prove to you that i can be alive
that i can be alright.

i’ve been building a wall for a real long time
i’ve been building a wall around my life

and it didn’t mean anything at all

i’ve got to fix this problem that i’m in
i’ve got to stop building a dungeon for myself

i deserve a real nice life
Track Name: Barriers
some fucking way the wheel keeps spinning
its jagged edges digging in
what is the fucking creature that controls it
what sorta hand is turning it

it's dumb how much my stomach's hurting
i wonder how much skin they need
i already said that i dont surrender
it can eat every part of me

but there's no reason i should be feeling like i do
burn the beach and destroy our bodies
they're just the barriers between me and you
but we can go on

can't escape the teeth that chase me
mouth a million miles long
it takes the shape of something familiar
the shape of something i once loved

but it's dumb how much my stomach's hurting
i feel my vision going out
i'm all panicked pins and needles
i'm the dullness in my arm but

but there's no reason we should be feeling like we do
burn the beach and destroy our bodies
they're just the barriers between me and you
but we can go on
Track Name: Sugar Pool
i’m paralyzed
i’m burning up
i can’t get enough
of all your love
a sweet sugar pool that gently drags me in
i collapse into sweet dreams and sweet oblivion
lean over me
please light me up
will you braid my hair
you’re too much fun
lets stay up and drink a beer and watch tv
you can do whatever you want when you’re here hanging out with me

even if there’s no escape I’m
happy and infatuated
part of me is taking a brand new shape and
my heart is burning, its fucking on fire
i’ll do what ever it takes

i know it won’t be easy
i know it won’t be always ok

but still i’m so overwhelmed
i can barely move
i couldn’t pull away
if i wanted to
i always get so shy and fucking confused
i wouldn’t mind if you told me what you wanted me to do
cos you fuck me up
i can’t say what i want
i couldn’t organize
any of my thoughts
but it doesn’t matter what i say or do
everything will be ok when i’m right there next to you

i’m paralyzed
i’m burning up
i can’t get enough
of all your love
a sweet sugar pool i’d love to drown in
collapse into sweet dreams and sweet oblivion
please finger me
please mess me up
will you braid my hair
after we make love
its the only thing i really wanna do
i feel shielded from everything else when i’m sitting next to you
Track Name: Warped Tour
you’re 15000 tiny bugs and you should crawl into my pores dissolve into my blood and not do nothing anymore
from the inside you might find what my body is for
could you show me?
because its the turn of time that grinds the stone down into sand
i want to grind you down between my teeth and my hand
i want to be your best friend or just eat you whole and keep all your bones trapped inside me

ive got no shape and no skeleton
its just an illusion
i’ve got no hair and no brain and no skin
i’m just a mouth and the burning desire to push you in
i want to chew and bite and grind
i want to do it all the time
i can’t get you off my mind your like sugar slime and i love you
Track Name: Sweatz
well you know its all the same if you play the game i will be ok
if you never know you cannot find an easier way
but it's still its still its still i never know where to go from here
but i dont know
i wont be ok if you go away from here
Track Name: Cool
please give me another chance so i can fuck it up again
don’t worry about it
I’m going out of my head all the stupid things I said
don’t worry about it

how are you so cool
i wanna be cool like you

i meant it when i said i don’t deserve to be your friend
don’t worry about it
you make it easier not to wish and cry and pray to not exist
don’t worry about it
don’t worry about it
Track Name: Song
you can't make a song into a person that's worth living as
you can't even make a song into a place to live.
you can't make a song into self assurance or self love
a song usually pretty much does the opposite
you can't make a song into a good enough reason to be loved
you can't make a song into a lover or a friend to spend time with
you can't make a song into an apology for another song you wrote
i'm super scared i'll never move out of my parents home

but it's human blood
its my human blood
its the stupid shit i waste my time on
but it's human blood
its my human blood
it's the stupid shit i wasted my life on
Track Name: I Fuck Everything Up
i fuck up everything but just see how long i'll stay mad at everyone
yeah i fuck up everything and i always blame everybody but myself
i do whatever setting myself up for failure is just how i tend to have fun
yeah im slime and sleaze im really not so hard to please i just want to be loved by everyone

my whole body feels like a clenched fist
la la la la la la la la la
my whole body feels like complete shit
la la la la la la la la la

but with my perfect judgement everything i do is right
so pure hearted in this awful world why do i even try
who knows what you think about me, felt so shitty yesterday
why do i even bother when i know i will again today

i fuck everything up
me i me i me me i me me i me i

iim so sick of thinking that things will be ok
that my life will be fine someday
it's been fucking years that ive been stuck in one place
i'll always be here because its me that wrong with me
Track Name: Sleep
woke up today and went back to sleep
i woke up again around 3
i lay in bed and i watched some tv, tried not to think about anything and tried to eat and i went back to sleep

what good am i if i cannot help myself
i'll swear that i'll get better
i'll fix my body i'll regrow my health
hold my hand as i pull my own guts out
if you'll be brave for me i'll be brave for you
i'll become the strongest shell
what good am i if im not stronger than myself
if i cant save my own life i'll never fucking help anybody else
just hold my hand as i pull my own guts out
if you'll be brave for me i'll be brave for you
i'll become the strongest shell

look at pictures on the computer of being people near to eachother
thinking alll kinds of evil thoughts i dont like
its like yeah i'm evil and jealous and irrational
yeah i just hide i've got nothing going on whatever who cares

it doesnt matter i'll do whatever
but i can't ever seem to get anything done but who really cares

what good am i if i cannot help myself
i swear that i'll get better
i'll fix my body i'll regrow my health
please hold my hand as i pull my own guts out
if you'll be brave for me i'll be brave for you
i'll become the strongest shell
what good am i if im not stronger than myself
if i cant save my own life i'll never fucking help anybody else
what good am i