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2

by Mom

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1.
i know i've been gone for a long time i hope i didn't scare you i went back to the sea you know i do my best to entertain you to hold my breath to grit my teeth in a way people dont often understand but i know they always think that im joking it hurts my feelings it my breaks my heart im such a cry baby from the start i loved to complain about myself when your heart beats faster when your legs give out when you feel so helpless now you think and now you know i know because things never go how you want them to because every time i just pretend im talking to you when we're on the computer please stick close to my side please help me down stay close to my right and let me be pathetic in your arms stick close to my side i really fucked myself please just look at my eyes and let me think of something else
2.
2 02:02
do you love television as much as I do do you bury your head underground do you swallow down cartoons do you twist yourself back into a dream do you love to eat all the blackness and leave do you long to see some aspect of you reflected back in the shape of something cute do you ache to be something that never really hurts or could at least hardly feel worse than the thing in your skin and the skin that it is and the shape that it takes do you long to be reduced to simpler shapes do you long to be reduced to simpler shapes do you long to be reduced to simpler shapes if i can’t sit in seat 1 i’ll sit in seat 2 if i can’t be myself i’ll share a body with you if i can’t sit in seat 1 i’ll sit in seat 2 i get so scared i never know what to do if i can’t sit in seat 1 i’ll sit in seat 2 if i can’t be myself i’ll share a body with you if i can’t sit in seat 1 i’ll sit in seat 2 i don't even have a good lie or an excuse
3.
i want to i want to see it through pull it at the split end i don’t know about you if i kiss myself if the thought becomes itself do me a favor you really got to hold me back
4.
i know i'm so distant i can't quite solve it y'know i love to dance y'know i love to sing y'know i love the sun the air you know i love mostly everything but i have this shape in my mind of this thing i want to do i think about it all the time i think about i and you but it's alright i know there's always a solution to these things i'm just scared that one or two of them has you parting ways with me but i just said what was on my mind i don't know what's wrong with me i just said what was on my mind i don't know what's wrong with me it's so easy to play to waste the entire day away without worrying about the world outside our bedrooms it's so easy to talk to you i have so much fun at least together we can hide away from our problems but i was just saying what was on my mind i don't know what's wrong with me i was just saying what was on my mind i don't know what's wrong with me but i just said what was on my mind i don't know what's wrong with me but i just said what was on my mind i don't know what's wrong with me
5.
Tiny Fantasy 01:24
yeah i'm always thinking positive yeah i've got fucking iron guts yeah i've got a solution to every problem that i've ever had oh yeah i've never fucked things up i'm always so cool i'm always super collected i've got a plan and i follow it through because i'm just very motivated
6.
Umm 02:16
you can do it if you have to even when no one on earth would want to the day is heavy but you’ll pull through you can even do it on your own you might be cursed by peoples essences and your brain will feed you messages but you’re stronger than you weaknesses you are stronger than you know your place will consume and then deny ya make you feel like sugar in saliva it’ll jinx and hex and echo and ride ya but it’ll still want you when you go we’re so confused when we play this game we’re all so so nervous and the same but even when i see you write my name it’s like a fog that i live below i know it so wrong but I’ve been so wrong lately i know im so confusing but i hope you’ll find it in you to forgive me i can’t stop myself even with my hands clamped over my mouth I’m still dissolving into a slime all the time when we talk I’m so confused and turned on I sort of feel like a sick idiot but i don’t mind
7.
Noneworld 04:15
i don't really care what we do all i want to do is hang out all i want to do is spend some time with my friends i don't really care about anything luckily everything is super duper ok but you know if you had your own car your car might growl like a lover and you'll ache to be outside maybe this year things will be a bit better in the summer sunshine but you still have to put each brick on each brick in the summer sunshine but you still have to put each brick on each brick get on you know all i can do is keep your body warm get on you know my powers are weak in this form its rooted deep like a wart it runs a bit long in your skin but you can never grow to be a part of it although you might want to wear it on you like a lovers kiss i know it's sort of hard to tell it's hard to figure out your own self it has to be you to give a shit it's your own heavy arms that you gotta lift get on you know all i can do is keep your body warm get on you know my powers are weak in this form
8.
S.N. Morning 04:10
get packed up make it a list if it helps or keep a mental index we'll always figure it out cos i know y’ know i can’t barely lift my self i know you’ve been twisting turning n all i do is stay but everything is alright everything is gonna be ok i’ll just keep repeating that as i sit on my hands and be afraid but everything knows it'll all turn out i'll sink to the ocean floor but i'll figure things out i know you don't want me to go but you can't help but twist and turn and stuff but with everything and all you know everything is going to be a little rough and i know you feel it in your bones all i know's i feel it in my bloodstone well i know there's always better ways to do things but sometimes you gotta hold your breath and just plow through things get packed up you have a long day ahead i'm not a child anymore man it's not the first time i've been humiliated but i know i know i can’t barely lift my self i know you’ve been twisting turning n all i do is stay but everything is alright everything is super duper ok i’ll just keep repeating that as i sit on my hands and be afraid but everything knows but everything knows well i know there's always better ways to do things but sometimes you gotta hold your breath and just plow through things i know there's always a better way to sort of do things but sometimes you just gotta hold your breath and plow right through things
9.
you can put yourself in somebody’s arms or imagine that you’re doing it too it’s true i don’t care if you’re mine but i would love to belong to you my body doesn’t ever feel real except when its heavy and useless you can keep every part of me if you can find some hidden purpose for it but i don’t want to clutter your space i’d never want to weigh you down i’d hate to get in the way i don’t want to bother you by sticking around for too long but everybody wants unachievable things it’s not like you ever treated me badly im just so scared to push you away from me it's just me and my broken font and i know it’s such a long long drive i know i’ll never ever have anything i that want but i hardly even mind when i'm so confused when i'm reaching back in time when i finally find my strength i need to keep it i need it to be mine i want to be your dog i want to be your muse i just want you to rest your eyes on me i don't care what you do i want to be your dog i want to be your muse i want you to make my skin feel un-see-through i want to be your dog i want to be your muse i don’t know how I feel but i’m scared to be away from you i want to be your dog i want to be your muse you always make my skin feel un-see-through
10.
please keep your eyes on me keep your eyes on me keep your eyes on me there’s nothing but us in this plane keep your eyes on me please keep your eyes on me keep your eyes on me together’s so nice in the darkest place I’m so glad to have you here i just want your undivided attention please don’t shy away from my gaze you’re in good hands i’ll keep you safe i know you’re confused i know you’re afraid please try to relax it’ll be ok if you want i’ll put my hand into your soul i’ll take control i know you’re confused i know that you’re scared i know you feel so empty still i could make it so easy for you you could be an extension of my will please don’t look away please don’t feel afraid i know that / im different i know our bodies are not the same i know I’m a demon I’m a devil i’m a monster but it would feel so great i could empty out your pain with my darkness waves let me clear out your mind you’ll feel just fine every one / of your movements will be mine i know that your body / feels heavy but you’d be so weightless me pulling your strings lifting you you’d know exactly what to do i’d feed you the lines you’d feel just fine let me empty out your mind its ok
11.
Dogworld 03:27

about

Songs written and recorded between January and April 2014.

Dedicated to someone that saved my life.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=emuKLPZoBHw

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released April 29, 2014

Album art by Applebeans
applebeansokay.tumblr.com
applebeans.deviantart.com

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Devi McCallion Toronto, Ontario

black.squares.media at gmail

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